Day #100

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” ― Maya Angelou

“My actions are my only true belongings.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh

Day #100.

I did it!

Day #99

I needed to go to the doctor's today. Nothing serious. Ethan went to work with Doug, attending his class. Doug told me Ethan laughed at his jokes and listened intently. While it's pretty cool that Ethan gets to sit in on a computer science graduate class, it's their bond that really makes me happy. I've shared that a few times over these #100HappyDays but it's worth revisiting and celebrating again.

Day #98

Ethan: Mom, hold my thumb.
Me, holding, then giving a gentle squeeze--a kind of thumb hug.
Ethan: There's something about that that's so comforting.

I love learning those little things about the people I love.

Day #97

I was pulling into our driveway from dropping Doug off at work this morning when my young neighbour friend ran over to say hello. He's been my artist buddy for years. He was home because his parents have opted him out of the standardized tests, and today is the first day. He told me he hates the tests. I asked him if he wanted to bring home a big blank canvas to work on. He said "Sure!" He was very excited. He's been asking me for one of my large blank canvases for some time. It felt so good to watch him carry it home across our muddy yards. I ran over to see if he would let me take his picture. Again he said "Sure." I didn't need a picture. It is a moment I will remember for a long time. But I wanted to share it and add it to the final days of my #100HappyDays.

Day #96

Checking things off my list of things I need to do.

Day #95

One of the best parts about being a not-very-worldly person is that I have the opportunity to learn lots of new things every day.  Something that's been a long process of learning for me (and is still a work in progress) is understanding that confidence is not arrogance, and humility is not insecurity. That might seem obvious to most, but it's been subtle for me. Extreme examples are clear, of course. It's those inconspicuous ones that still get me.

When I was 21, I got a Haida thunderbird tattoo on my lower leg. I was in Vancouver, BC, with a close friend. We had just driven across the country for the first time (first of five for me--two return trips, and one final one-way with Doug) in an old Chevette in which we had to stop at regular intervals to fill the oil and the transmission fluid, change three blown tires with around eitght unmatching bolts, and figure out the source and solution of a steaming radiator in the badlands while a storm brewed on the horizon.

Anyway, the tattoo has it's wings close to it's body. The tattoo artist told me it was suppose to symbolize humility and strength. I liked that, so I chose it. So, this humility and confidence thing has been something I've been thinking about and working on for a long time. One would think I'd have made more progress by now. But I'm learning. I'm learning! And learning makes me happy.

Day #94

This was so fun. We finished our projects today. Ethan said it is the most beautiful thing he has ever made. He loved soldering. I hoped he might. Now we have a couple more mementos to bring with us on our next adventure.

Day #93

A photo of me and my dad from I-don't-know-how-long ago. I just found out his colon cancer has returned, but my brother said the doctor sounded positive. So, I believe I have about a week left to my #100HappyDays challenge. Today I'm happy I found this picture of us. I love his smile here. He looks happy.

Day #92

Last night I was feeling a bit grumpy by the time I was ready to go to sleep. I was really tired yet restless at the same time. That combination makes me a bit edgy. A bit cranky too. I told my husband and son I was going to get a shower, then head to bed. I told them they'd have to be quiet because I was planning on sleeping in the living room to give them some space in case I snored again with my cold. I kind of barked that last bit about being quiet. Like I said, I was grumpy.

When I got out of the shower, I found my bed in the living room all nicely made, the lights turned down dim, and two warm smiles greeted me. Sandra Dodd has a whole page dedicated to thoughts on service. I'll link it in the comments. I haven't read the whole thing, but I've read a bit here and a bit there, taking away new parts to think about every time I perused. Last night, as I looked across the room at the thoughtfully made bed, I thought of the concept of service. After I climbed into my bed, with the covers pulled up high, I reflected on how sweet it felt to me to be so unconditionally served, even (and maybe especially) when I had not been very sweet myself. I thought about how easy it would have been for both Doug and Ethan to be grumpy back at me. But they weren't. They chose not to. They chose to make my life a little easier. A little nicer. To let me know they loved and cared about me a whole lot.

It's not new to me to give to another this way, but it was new for me to receive the service of another so openly and so humbly. I could tell my sincere appreciation of their gesture, though not expressed with many words or gushy sentiment (that's just not me), felt really good to both of them. I think I'm feeling a bit raw right now, so that probably contributed to my openness. There have been some very sad events in my periphery, and my life is in a state of change, and has been for some time, which can be a bit disorienting for me. Still, it seems all things lined up just right for me last night to experience something new and simply profound. There is a goodness in people that can be expressed most honestly and most completely when we are open to receive it. And, service given without strings has got to be one of the most beautiful gifts we can give.

Day #91

Ethan and I went out for lunch today, then decided to drive by the lake to take some photos. It was cold, but the conversation was warm.

Day #90

A knock at our door.

Ethan: Hi.
Friend: Hi.
Ethan: Wanna play outside?
Friend: Yes! I was hoping we could resume our game from yesterday!
Ethan: Okay!

That ease. An easy #100HappyDays.

Day #89

I've picked up some really great art from some very talented artists here in Ithaca. Unfortunately I've already packed some of the found art sculptures, so I'm not able to share photos of those right now. I've left some decent art of my own here in a few homes too. Both those things make me very happy.

Day #88

Foiling the edges of coloured glass. I enjoy this part of the project.

Day #87

Happy for the little things that are easy to take for granted, like a popsicle stick, the colour red, a well worn nightgown, the sun that peeks out from dense grey clouds for a short moment after a long winter, the ease of capturing a moment no matter how trivial, and the choice to make that moment meaningful.

Day #86

I'm sure I've shared this already for my #100HappyDays, but it's something that regularly brings me joy--these two friends who spend time together so generously.

Day #85

There was a light knock at my door. The little girl who lives next door wanted to know if she could pick our flowers because hers were still covered with snow. Of course I said "Sure!" She told me she was making a nest for the birds and invited me to come and see. Those little sticks in front and back are held in place with mud, and are there so the babies don't fall out. So sweet. I'm so glad she came over.

Day #84

I was feeling a bit restless today so I decided to take a tour of our town, taking pictures of some of our public/street art. It was snowing off and on while I was out and about, but the excitement of my treasure hunt kept me warm.

Day #83

We had plans to go to New York City this week, but Ethan came down with the nasty bug I had a couple of weeks ago, so we decided to stay home. After a couple very uncomfortable days, Ethan is feeling better.

Day #82

Doug called this a functional clock because of the function keys as numbers. He brought it home from his trip. He thought I'd love the whimsy. He was right.

Day #81

I like this broom. I like to see the dust bunnies disappear under it. I like how the filter used on this photo lets me believe it's not really snowing outside right now.

Day #80

Got to play at the ball pit again before we leave Ithaca!

Day #79

I read Sandra Dodd's "Just Add Light and Stir" nearly every morning shortly after I wake up. I find inspiration from it every time I do so. Today there was a fun reflection on my experience watching tv as a kid. I was surprised and happy to see it there.

Day #78

Balloons!

Day #77

As I was heading out the door to get some groceries, Ethan called out "Have fun!" So I did.

Day #76

I found this bag in Maine a year or two ago, and carry it with me everywhere I go. I like the feet and the face best, and I like how it feels like I'm cuddling something when I sit down. I even like that strange people come up to me to talk about it when I'm out and about.

It has gotten kind of soiled, but I'm afraid to wash it. I don't want it to fall apart or change in any significant way. It won't last forever. The back is already worn. I wish I could tell the person(s) who made it how much happiness it brings me. I hope they already suspect this might be true.

Day #75

These are our designs for the stained glass class we're taking. I decided to do something simpler (left) considering I don't have many weeks here before we move. I showed my design to Ethan the other evening and he said "Cool! Two fibonacci!" I laughed.

Yes! I did draw inspiration from two rotated fibonacci spirals. The fact he saw that right away made me happy. Not because he knows what it is, but because we learned about fibonacci at the same time--me in my thirties, him a young boy--in part by buying fruit and vegetables from the grocery store that we thought looked interesting, in part by counting petals on flowers, in part by finding and counting spirals on the pinecones we used as trees in our wood block villages, in part by simply wondering and searching and allowing ourselves to be in awe...together.

If this stained glass piece works out, I will long cherish it for its reminder that the time Ethan and I spend together has a meaningful influence on both of our experiences. Even as the memories fade, and I know a lot of them will, and even as we branch off to pursue each our own interests, I will find comfort in the idea that if I could trace those ghostly branches back, there would be a good chance that they might converge on a very special time in both our lives.

Day #74

Forty five today, and gifted a hydroelectric love generating machine. Who could ask for more?!

Day #73

Picking up Doug from the airport!

Day #72

Ethan just got himself a new game called Plague Inc Evolved. The goal of the game is to develop a plague that wipes out humanity. Ethan came bounding into the kitchen laughing like crazy. He said "Come see what I named my plague!" We walked over to his computer. "Something." I looked at him a little blankly, I think, not sure what he was finding so humourous. He said "At the end of the game it'll say 'Something (his plague name) has wiped out humanity.'" And then he giggled at his joke. Now he's laughing saying "Something has not been noticed." Funny kid. (And, for anyone worried about the premise of the game, I would encourage you to play it before you come to any conclusions.)

Day #71

Sometimes it's just as simple as finding things that go together that weren't meant to be together.

Day #70

Rocks. I love rocks. In the corner of Doug's office here at home, evidence of my love of rocks hangs.

The one on the right is something I made out of the rusty shale rocks Ethan and I pulled out of the earth at Taughannock Falls. We thought we found treasure in those rocks. The red was so beautiful against the deep grey.

The photo on the top left is from a cairn Ethan and I stumbled across in Upper Buttermilk. Ethan carefully placed that small stone on the top left with his little four-year-old fingers.

The photo on the bottom left is a snowman's stone heart. I almost always give snowmen hearts when I build them. It's the last thing I do, and it always makes smile.

While here in Ithaca I've collected rocks, photographed them, painted them to leave as secret gifts to people in my community, made things out of them, skipped them, broke them apart to find treasures inside, drilled through them to take their heat for our house in the winter and their cool in the summer, placed them as stepping stones and stood in quiet awe of their strength, their diversity and their beauty. Rocks.

Day #69

My neighbours brought over this pie for us. We're going to eat it now! (I posted that on Facebook on 3/14/15 at exactly 9:26 pm. Couldn't quite manage the 53 second accuracy.)

Day #68

Simply sweet creations, inspired by simply sweet things.

Day #67

The sun's still in the sky, and it's nearly 7pm.

Day #66

“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet


This caught my attention yesterday. I've never read anything by Mr Rilke, so I'm not familiar with the source. But the words stood out for me because it was in the gap between where Doug and I stood familiar that I came to know what love meant from my heart.

Though we started out as friends, over the years together we've become much closer. Yet never so close that we weren't able to see each other from toe to crown, standing against the backdrop of each our own ambitions, experiences and beliefs. That takes a great deal of confidence, and I've needed to learn how to cultivate that confidence. Confidence in myself to have the strength to stand alone—solid and self-aware sometimes, vulnerable and unsure other times. Confidence that the distance needed to give room for each of us to be wholly ourselves can and would make room to cultivate a deeper, more meaningful connection, leading to the fullest realization of a love that is understanding, kind, and unconditionally generous.

So, today's ‪#‎100HappyDays‬ is without an accompanying photo. It celebrates the space that exists between two people who really love each other—Doug and me—and in that space "the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky."

Day #65

Sometimes Fluff comes up and cuddles me, stretching his paw up onto my chest. I love that. When he purrs it reminds me of the Crakers in Margaret Atwood's "MaddAddam."

Day #64

Making a completely impractical pouring vessel. Enjoying the sun coming in through the windows. Spending the day with Ethan.

Day #63

It's still snowy outside, though warmer today, but inside the forsythia has bloomed.

Day #62

We both had our first experience cutting glass in preparation for making a couple stained glass windows. I've cut glass for picture framing before, but not like this. Ethan cut himself four times, but he kept trying, and now he has a plan in his mind for what he's going to make. Two arrows--one up, one down, with a blue or purple background. I'm not sure what I want make. I'm thinking an owl. It's fun working with my son.

Day #61

I started collecting children's books again. I gave away forty or fifty to a dad here in Ithaca who later sent me a sweet photo of his two daughters enjoying them, all spread out like some great ripe crop of goodness to feast on. These ones have a bit of a darker side to them, and some of them are by authors whose adult fiction writing I've enjoyed, like Aldous Huxley and Sylvia Plath. One is by Mark Twain. I've never (I don't recall) read anything by him yet. It's probably not wise to be collecting books to move, but I've never accused myself of being wise, and Ethan and I are enjoying them, so...what's another box?!

Day #60

I really like a good set of nail clippers, and I love having short nails. I like the simple genius of the design of clippers, the way the lever spins and works, attaches and unattaches, and I like the sound and feel of clipping nails.

Day #59

I love having the hand writing of people I care about. I found this recipe card given to me by a friend when we were visiting her parents in Chilliwack, BC many years ago. The card was in a drawer. I was saving the writing, not so much the recipe, though the cake was good, I remember. I might make it this weekend. Having that writing is like having a visit. I've saved every letter I've ever received, and sometimes I just pull them out to look at those thoughtful marks that were put on paper, intended just for me.

Day #57

Ethan often asks to comb my hair, and has since he was small. I love it.

Day #56

I twirl these rings on my finger every day, and have done so for nearly fourteen years. Everytime I do, I think of Doug.

Day #55

He's an old cat, but he's still curious.

Day #54

Trying some acrylic paints(and pencil...maybe some collage later too) on a ceramic piece instead of glazes. I like the effect. I've been entertaining the idea of making this lady a queen in a large quirky people chess set. Also wondering if polymer clay would work better than ceramic clay for that kind of project. Although I like the weight and sound of this one. I want the pawns to be cats and dogs, one set for either side. Making myself chuckle just at the idea.

Day #53

Staying warm near the fire today. The house was creaking and cracking last night with the cold. Ice in the gutters was contracting. Doug and I stood outside, looking at the house some time after 3 am wondering if it was the roof, but it wasn't, thankfully. It was -28°C without the wind. We're getting quite the Winter send off this year. Can't really say I'm happy about it, but I'm impressed. Quiet day of reflection today. Again, not really happy, but grateful nonetheless.

Day #52

When I moved to the US, I wasn't sure what I needed to keep for tax purposes, so I kept everything bill-related in multiple accordion folders. Every year I kept a little less as I learned what I needed, but I still had about ten fat folders of miscellaneous paper. So, now that we're moving, I'm going back and shredding all that I don't need to keep. I was thinking I might make some handmade paper art from it all. We'll see. That would of course mean I'll still be moving it--just in a different form. At any rate, I find the shredding satisfying.

Day #51

Having this dude by my side every day.

Day #50

I'm at the halfway point in my #100HappyDays challenge.  I've not consistently posted to the blog every day, but I have done well personally taking a moment each day to think about what makes me happy and what I'm grateful for in my life.  I've done well sharing that each day on Facebook, which is good, because it gives me a record to catch up on here.

Honestly, some days it wasn't easy for me to even want to pay attention to something that brought me happiness.  My mom has recently returned to the hospital with dizzy spells.  They are going to monitor her for a while.  They think it might be her heart.  I had a nice chat with her today on the phone.  We laughed together.  One of her bedmates sings on and off all day.  I could hear him in the background.  Made me smile.  My dad had an operation on his prostate this month.  It didn't turn out the way he had hoped, but he's still optimistic.  I just talked with him on the phone and we shared a laugh as well.   My Aunt Lorna is in what we believe to be the last days of her life.  My cousin and her children will be by her side this week.  I've been seeing updates on her Facebook account.  My thoughts are with them during this very difficult time.  And then, of course, we're in the process of selling our house to move across the country, putting greater geographic distance between us and our family, leaving behind a home we've lived and loved in for the past nine years, friends we've gotten close to, and friends we're just starting to get to know. We're very much looking forward to the move and the new adventure that lies ahead of us, but it's a stressful process nonetheless.  Saying goodbye is never easy.

But, this #100HappyDays practice is helping me understand that a life well lived has a lot to do with the choices we make moment to moment, each and every day.  There will always be difficult times and/or challenges to overcome. But peppered into adversity are often breaths of relief—sometimes short, sometimes longer.  I'm learning to look for them and pay them their due respect.  I've noticed these past several years that my parents have gotten really good at finding those happy beacons, even during their most difficult times.  I hope in time, with more practice, I can cultivate more of that spirit for myself as well.  It's truly a gift to those we love if we can manage to do so.

Day #49

Comfortable contrasts, side by side.